Your Process is NOT Punishment


I sat fully clothed, yet naked, bare, and open. My mind flooded with questions. My heart racing for an expected response. My pulse revolting as my eyes welled with the remnants of the spawling emotions that so quickly became my moment. I had one question. I needed just one answer, so I asked. "When will I be chosen!", were the words that stemmed from the emotion-filled tears that now drenched the clothing attempting to cover the rawness of who I was in that moment- "the punished one", so it felt. As I took a breath, held my head up, forced my shoulders to assume a queenly position, the sweat on my trembling palms met the fire of my bitter tears. Then firmly and affirmingly, a comforting yet aggressive voice whispered, "I choose YOU!" Sadly for me, that wasn't enough. 

I STILL FELT PUNISHED!

Hey girlfriends! Can we chat for a few minutes? So above details the raw truth of a moment I experienced a few weeks ago. In my line of work, I get to meet different people daily. Literally one on one, personal, face to face encounters with hundreds of people weekly (Yikes)! For a true introvert, it requires many hours of humanitarian detoxing and releasing (LOL). If you don't know what that is or what it looks like, I'm the plug. Ask me!  And I don't know what secret engraving is engraved on my name badge, but somewhere on that gold plate it must state, her, tell her ALL your issues, your problems, then ask her about all the personal aspects of her life she cares NOT to share with perfect strangers. {Social media has really given some people the idea that everything is public knowledge.} NOT, with the side-eye!

Anywho.....so this particular week it seems every day I was hit with the questions of, are you married, do you have kids, why aren't you married, what are you waiting for, I can't believe your single (me either Sis!), how old are you? That may seem petty to you, but for me, it was a reminder that the next phase of life that I desired, was in the moment a distant dream. It reminded me that to some I was a tragedy. It reminded me of feeling robbed by those who betrayed my trust, interrupted my vows and broke the covenant I swore to for a lifetime. It reminded me that while I sat put away, seemingly discarded and forgotten, those who caused me so much pain went on to build the life I was "punished" to not take part in- so it felt

But where did all of these emotions come from!
I was fine- moving through life, enjoying the journey, and content with MY process.

Yet there was just enough remnant of my past to allow others' expectations, uncalculated and formulated opinions to bring me into a moment of questioning my process, my journey, my life, and my GOD -and that's where I draw the line! While I could have seen that moment as an attack, as a reason to become the victim again in my mind, as justification to allow fear to be eradicated in my life, or to allow my love to be put away and hidden, I realized in that moment pressure was being applied to the remaining remnants of a  season-long gone, so that those remnants could be crushed, and washed away forever! So they could be removed without question of spoiling the future that I am being prepared for

So as I sat there, hearing my Father, my God whispering HE chose me and being utterly confronted with the fact a part of me believed that wasn't enough, my heart shattered into a million pieces! I realized that my own desires and others expectations were causing me to miss out on the most infallible truths, I AM CHOSEN, madly and recklessly loved, and as it was so eloquently stated to me, "YOUR process CAN FEEL LIKE punishment when the world around you is allowed to have what you desire".

If that wasn't a "girl get your life" moment, I don't know what is! 

So, girlfriend, I am letting you in on my inward journey (and I don't even know you like that! LOL). So often we get so enamored by our ability to "dress", "style", and to conquer the world as we do daily {a quick "I SEE YOU" to all of you who are reaching new heights, setting new trends, and forging new paths, I see you Sis! Keep going!}, let this be your reminder not to overlook the remnants we have yet to fully discard. The littlest unchecked issue or even people, can close the door or prolong the process leading to future heights when the wrong pressure {expectation} is applied. Check those remnants at the door, of your heart that is! 

So as a Modern Modest who's beauty radiates from character and heart, here are five nuggets to take along your journey:

  1. Your life is not just a journey, it's a process. Each phase of your life is meant to prepare you for the next monumental moment. You're not being "punished", you're being prepared for what's to come!
  2. Your feelings about the process and its timing do not mean you are ready, nor does it mean you are late. Allow the process to do the work now, so you won't have to do it later, because it's going to get done one way or the other. 
  3. Desires and expectations are measuring tools, not definite realities- treat them as suchNever allow your own, or someone else's, desires or expectations to blind you to infallible truths. No matter how you feel or what someone thinks, FACTS don't change. 
  4. Set your standards and enforce your boundaries. Standards and boundaries are necessary, so don't be afraid to enforce them. Know the facts surrounding your life and your personal journey, and don't be moved! 
  5. Ask the questions, get the answers, have the hard conversations, then do the work. No matter how achieved or accomplished you become, remember to watch for the little foxes that spoil the vines. Don't let anything slide through the cracks, no matter how small it may seem in the moment. It may be the one aspect that has the potential to destroy or delay the harvest you've worked so hard to produce! 

So, girlfriends, that was MY moment and the wisdom that was reinforced within me. Welcome to my journey, excuse me, I mean MY process! {See what I did there!}

What "moment" have you had lately and what did you take from it? Inquiring minds want to know!

Just so you know, I see you! 
Being Modern, 
Being Modest, 
Being Beauty! 
Carry ON! 

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